if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
