Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
