I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
