You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
