wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
