At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
