he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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