community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
