So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
