when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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