I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
