Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
