Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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