Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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