You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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