i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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