I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
