Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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