what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
