Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
