yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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