You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
