you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
