Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
