I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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