i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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