i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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