Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
