just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
