I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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