you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
