Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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