There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize