you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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