you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
