so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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