I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
