my sisters under your porch take her home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
