I faked an abortion last night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
