Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
