Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
