It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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