I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
