I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
