I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
