roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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