I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
