Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
