The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
