I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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