a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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